Anal Retentive Randomness

Don’t you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can’t be exactly who you are. ~Lady Gaga

Perfect Path

Winter Web

Wallpaper Water

Frozen Stems

Divine Drips

Bokeh Berries

Perfect Position

Over the weekend I put together 5 different collections of photos to share with you, all with beautiful themes or color stories, but I finally settled on this random collection in a small attempt to let it be… let it be.

I’ve think I’ve spent over 20 years trying to learn how to NOT try too hard. Some of the  books I’ve read, workshops, therapists, and deep love poured into me from incredible family and friends rubs off and I can let down, let go, do less than I think I’m capable of, attempt to relax and just play,,, but for the most part it doesn’t last I soon find my way back to trying too hard… paying attention to every damn detail…Trying to get it right even when I know there is no Right.

The perfectionist side of me may always aches to create some kind of beautiful order from the chaos that life is?? It’s just part of my personality, I try too hard and that’s okay.

What part of your personality have you learned to embrace rather than TRY to fix?

Bittersweet

Life at best is bittersweet. ~Jack Kirby

I found a new hike yesterday. It is so fun to stumble upon a new place to explore. Besides finding the trails I found some new subjects to photograph. These bittersweet berries put on such a display of color, first they are green, then yellow which ripens to orange. And, for the grand finale they open up and reveal a beautiful red belly.

As I wandered past the tangled vines of bittersweet, from a distance I spotted this huge wasps nest, it’s bigger than a basketball. I’ve never seen one so big. I’m most impressed by the curl and swirl of the papery layers, it’s such a beautiful old home.

These three finds… a new trail, bittersweet vines, and an empty nest all seem to symbolize the emotions that are washing through me and my extended family. Last week we said goodbye to my grandmother, she lived a rich and inspiring 94 years.

Because of her influence, I am inspired to live a life full of adventure and intimate connection. I have so many more emotions and words swimming around, but it’s still too raw to share more than this.

Berries Galore

 On the motionless branches of some trees, autumn berries hung like clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards where the fruits were jewels. ~ Charles Dickens

I’ve noticed so many acorns this fall, perhaps it’s a ‘mast’ year for oaks…every 7 years or so, they drop many more acorns than normal to ensure survival. And, it seems the berries are having bigger yields than normal too, or maybe I’m just noticing them more than other years?

What have you noticed lately?

Transparent Transformation

Have you ever noticed that the word “myself” contains the word “elf”? ~ Gwen Bell

I feel like a little elf sometimes when I slip through the forest finding all kinds of creatures, My cousin once commented ‘Do you live in Sherwood Forest?’ I just cracked up, but this week I do feel like I’ve lived in the forest. It’s been magical… the weather is superb, a little bit of summer in October and I’ve been spending way too much time outside.

My favorite find on my daily hikes was this amazing yellow caterpillar at the top of a twig, it’s difficult to shoot caterpillars on the ground so I was just beside myself when I found this little guy so perfectly posed up in the air! BUT, I did not have my camera, I was taking my dog Sunrise for a short walk to the pond, it was lunch time and the lighting in the middle of the day is so harsh for most photos so I headed out without my camera. When I found this fuzzy little wonder in the shade, I RAN back to the house to retrieve what is usually always strapped around my shoulder! I RAN back to the area he was in and it took me forever to find him again. It made me realize how much of a meditation my walks can be, when I’m not looking for the shot, when I’m just wandering in awe of nature, she reveals her treasures, when I’m furiously looking for something in particular ~ no luck. I found this beauty once again after I just sat down and knew my eyes would get there. Can you believe there were still dew drops on him at noon on such a warm day?

Breath Taking

Yellow Fuzz ~ Yellow Reflection

Transparent Transformation

Sniffing

Autumn Daisies

Field of Beans

Autumn Stars

Gray

Autumn Joy

White Whiskers

I don’t want the warmth to end, but it will. Life goes on and the change of season reveals the life and death cycle. I watched the yellow butterfly take its last breaths, it broke my heart, but it seemed to live a long life, the wings were tattered and almost see-through. I’ve heard that we get transparent as we age, which brings us closer to what is beyond ♥

Linking with

The Creative Exchange

Eureka ~ I Finally Found One… More than One :)

The artist is a receptacle for the emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider’s web. ~ Pablo Picasso quotes

Tiny Treasures

Chandelier

Necklace Strands

Pizza Pie in the Sky

Center Stage

Dream Catcher

Crystal Ball

Happy Hour

Porch Poetry

Beginning

Spiderwebs amaze me, they are intricate and simple, delicate and strong, beautiful and creepy. I’ve been saving my stash of web shots in hopes of adding one with water, I covet photos of wet webs and could not seem to find any myself for the past year…until this week. I had the most magical morning on Tuesday and the highlight was finding these miniature webs tucked in between blades of grass. Have you ever seen such tiny miracles!? They are about the size of a quarter. I hope you enjoyed my entire collection so far ( I’m know I’m a photo hoarder ).

If you would like to see some more tiny miracles check out these beautiful grains of sand, thanks for the link Amy.

Baby Blue

My favorite weather is bird-chirping weather. ~Loire Hartwould

Peeking

At the Top

Searching Left

All Alone

Searching Right

Left Again

Where is Everybody!

have you ever seen such a cute blue jay!?

i was hiking on one of my regular trails and came upon this baby chick all by himself.

i know the blues can be bullies at the bird feeders, but how can anyone resist this little guy?

he hopped his way to the top of this dead tree and seemed to be looking for family ~ who knows, i make stuff up about animals all the time.

Love Doves

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. ~ C.S. Lewis

Chasing Beauty

Birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer, simpler state of being which we may strive to attain. ~ Doug Coupland

I See You

i spotted a bird… he spotted me

Sitting Still

he sized me up and down, i did the same…

each time i got too close he wandered forward… considered flying…

then decided staying by the pond was much more important than being bothered by me

Skirting the Edge

he was hungry for lunch, i was hungry for a photo of this

beautiful lanky fluffy white bird i’d never seen before

Fantastic Feathers

again i got too close

so he trotted past a few mallards who squawked at his trespassing

Coming Through

Who Does He Think He Is?!

he thought he lost me behind the wall, but i found him crouching in the corner

Crouched & Curved

he spotted me again… cruised up the hill

I'm Outta Here

shook off his frustration

Shake Shake Shake

and finally he just stopped playing our game

 and patiently waited for me to leave him alone to search for his lunch in peace

The End

This post has been entered in Jillsy Girl’s Water Challenge 

Take a moment to hop over and get a little wet

Into the Mystery

“Look for the mysterious in life. Wherever you look – in the white clouds, in the stars in the night, in the flowers, in a flowing river – wherever you look, look for the mystery. And whenever you find that a mystery is there, meditate on it. Meditation means: dissolve yourself before that mystery, annihilate yourself before that mystery, disperse yourself before that mystery. Be no more, and let the mystery be so total that you are absorbed in it. And suddenly a new door opens, a new perception is achieved.” ~ Osho

Sacred Seagulls

I’ve taken an unexpected break from blogging… about a month ago I stopped creating just about anything, I’m not sure why. I have a few ideas about which events and thoughts triggered this episode, but I’m okay with not knowing exactly why I crashed and burned and fell apart. I slipped into a place of having no idea how to move forward with my life. For a couple of weeks I did not understand why I could not just pick up the pieces and move forward???

Luckily I have some amazing people in my life that continue to hold space for this process I still seem to be in. I need time to experiment with new ways of moving forward with out defining specific goals or results. I am making slow progress as I re ~ imagine my dreams and direction.

The world of blogging has been a fascinating journey that I did not know I would become so enamoured with I am fascinated by the opportunity to express and connect. I feel so blessed and excited when friends, family and even strangers comment on something I shared. When someone writes a response or sends me an email that is inspired by what I posted WOW! I feel seen and understood and connected to that nameless thing that connects all of us. Sometimes I even feel that what I created and shared made a difference. That’s an amazing feeling.

The difficult side of the journey for me is the process of putting a post together. I was honored when a friend once described my blog as meaty. There is a density and depth I am after in life that I attempt to express in my blog. This desire often puts me up against my perfectionist tendencies. I have spent countless hours cropping a photo 15 times till it looks just how I want it. I will re-write a sentence or paragraph 20 times hoping you won’t notice that I struggle with dyslexia / proper grammar?? And the techy side of learning how to manipulate the templates and widgets can spin me out into fits of frustration.

I thought that, after going through a month of letting things fall away that no longer serve, I might jump back into blogging with a new style – - -

perhaps randomly writing in a casual text format of abbreviations – i don’t know what many of them mean outside of lol and omg – but i do love typing with no caps… run on sentences… lots of ellipses and emoticons <3…and whatever else seems to express my mood of the moment! there is something about this messy conversational spewing and sharing that i love… i am brave enough to email some of my closest friends in this sloppy style, it feels real and raw

But I’m not sure yet how I want to shift my blog posts. I just know that today I am ready to post again and there is a comfort in the EFFORT I go through in any of my creative projects. It feels like home.

I have always tried too hard, and I may always try too hard. There are moments when things flow and I’m lost in that place of pure expression, but the effort that surrounds the flow is usually necessary for any flow to exist. So today I will let some tears roll down my face. I will be okay with my personality quirks causing me unnecessary pain and confusion. I will re-read and re-tweak this 5 more times before I dare post. I will sort through photos and quotes for as long as it takes to find just the right match.

Perhaps in my next post I’ll be in the mood to share just a few fun photos… a simple sentence… or a random offering that is full of ease or conviction, but today it actually feels good to share and accept my neurotic attempt at awkward perfection.

Morsel

Sea Scape

Into the Mystery

@!&#!? Perfection

A beautiful thing is never perfect. ~ proverb

I’ve never posted just one photo. I have too many I want to share and it is so hard for me to settle for just one. But I’m finally going to let myself do it! I’ve been saving this shot for the perfect post, the perfect time. There is none, I know that, but just like I save my best clothes, my best glasses, my best art supplies… I continue to do this @!&#!?

Perhaps this week I will dress a bit fancy, let myself drink a glass of wine in the best glasses and make some art with the stuff I’m saving for someday. And if I don’t… I will not beat myself up for this too.

P.S. I named this shot “Perfect Cardinal”

Linking to Your Sunday Best