Into the Mystery

“Look for the mysterious in life. Wherever you look – in the white clouds, in the stars in the night, in the flowers, in a flowing river – wherever you look, look for the mystery. And whenever you find that a mystery is there, meditate on it. Meditation means: dissolve yourself before that mystery, annihilate yourself before that mystery, disperse yourself before that mystery. Be no more, and let the mystery be so total that you are absorbed in it. And suddenly a new door opens, a new perception is achieved.” ~ Osho

sacred seagulls

Sacred Seagulls

I’ve taken an unexpected break from blogging… about a month ago I stopped creating just about anything, I’m not sure why. I have a few ideas about which events and thoughts triggered this episode, but I’m okay with not knowing exactly why I crashed and burned and fell apart. I slipped into a place of having no idea how to move forward with my life. For a couple of weeks I did not understand why I could not just pick up the pieces and move forward???

Luckily I have some amazing people in my life that continue to hold space for this process I still seem to be in. I need time to experiment with new ways of moving forward with out defining specific goals or results. I am making slow progress as I re ~ imagine my dreams and direction.

The world of blogging has been a fascinating journey that I did not know I would become so enamoured with 🙂 I am fascinated by the opportunity to express and connect. I feel so blessed and excited when friends, family and even strangers comment on something I shared. When someone writes a response or sends me an email that is inspired by what I posted WOW! I feel seen and understood and connected to that nameless thing that connects all of us. Sometimes I even feel that what I created and shared made a difference. That’s an amazing feeling.

The difficult side of the journey for me is the process of putting a post together. I was honored when a friend once described my blog as meaty. There is a density and depth I am after in life that I attempt to express in my blog. This desire often puts me up against my perfectionist tendencies. I have spent countless hours cropping a photo 15 times till it looks just how I want it. I will re-write a sentence or paragraph 20 times hoping you won’t notice that I struggle with dyslexia / proper grammar?? And the techy side of learning how to manipulate the templates and widgets can spin me out into fits of frustration.

I thought that, after going through a month of letting things fall away that no longer serve, I might jump back into blogging with a new style – – –

perhaps randomly writing in a casual text format of abbreviations – i don’t know what many of them mean outside of lol and omg – but i do love typing with no caps… run on sentences… lots of ellipses and emoticons <3…and whatever else seems to express my mood of the moment! there is something about this messy conversational spewing and sharing that i love… i am brave enough to email some of my closest friends in this sloppy style, it feels real and raw

But I’m not sure yet how I want to shift my blog posts. I just know that today I am ready to post again and there is a comfort in the EFFORT I go through in any of my creative projects. It feels like home.

I have always tried too hard, and I may always try too hard. There are moments when things flow and I’m lost in that place of pure expression, but the effort that surrounds the flow is usually necessary for any flow to exist. So today I will let some tears roll down my face. I will be okay with my personality quirks causing me unnecessary pain and confusion. I will re-read and re-tweak this 5 more times before I dare post. I will sort through photos and quotes for as long as it takes to find just the right match.

Perhaps in my next post I’ll be in the mood to share just a few fun photos… a simple sentence… or a random offering that is full of ease or conviction, but today it actually feels good to share and accept my neurotic attempt at awkward perfection.

seagull with a morsel of food

Morsel

sea scape

Sea Scape

two seagulls walking into the sea

Into the Mystery

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  1. #1 by pattisj on June 20, 2011 - 2:41 pm

    I HAVE MISSED YOU! I’m glad you felt you could take the time you needed to sort things out. Anything shared makes a difference. I’m just so happy to see that blogging was missed, but sorry it requires much effort on your part. We need your voice, your presence, no matter the shape or form in which it arrives. Welcome back! I really like the quote you selected.

  2. #2 by Jillsy Girl on June 20, 2011 - 5:05 pm

    so glad to see your return , if just for a post here or there. i have no schedule when it comes to posting, if I did, i think i would have quit a long time ago. if the mood strikes, i’ll sit down and create a post, if not, there’s so much else to occupy our days!

  3. #3 by Lisa on June 20, 2011 - 6:24 pm

    Thank you for all of the morsels in this post and your heartfelt words. I feel you in every one. I have a new favorite three-word phrase…. it’s almost perfect! Something to remember for us perfectionists.

  4. #4 by jeanie on June 20, 2011 - 6:52 pm

    First of all, welcome back, because I miss you like crazy and I’m always thrilled to see whatever you post.

    I decided a long time ago that in a way, my blog was a “living document” that grew and changed as I did. It’s as schizophrenic as I am, as unpredictable and hopefully has some of my better qualities, too! We post when we can — when the subject is right, the words are worth sharing, the photos are what we want others to see or what we want to do — period. And when we want to do it. People like me will miss you and we will celebrate your return. Breaks are allowed. The warmth, insight and beauty you share will always be anticipated.

    And Christine, I’m glad to see you coming out of the dark a bit. I’ve been there — can’t do anything. Don’t know “how” or “what it will be.” Let your blog be as multidimensional as you are… I can’t wait to see how it evolves.

  5. #5 by Bonnie on June 20, 2011 - 7:51 pm

    Wow, I don’t totally understand how at times I can feel so connected to you, and I’m ok with not knowing. I was so moved by reading this, the tears started to roll down my cheeks before I even got to the part you wrote about the tears rolling down your face. You are such an inspirational, authentic, beautiful woman. Love you dearly, and I’m glad your back

  6. #6 by sarah on June 20, 2011 - 9:31 pm

    “She’s back” smile – smile – smile !!! Missed you. Totally love ur new look.
    loads of love.

  7. #7 by ladyfi on June 21, 2011 - 12:09 am

    You’re back! And with a fabulous post full of shimmering magic.

    For me, perfection is overrated – life is about embracing the beauty of the imperfect….

  8. #8 by countingducks on June 21, 2011 - 3:40 am

    I’m glad I stumbled upon your blog. I often think we are all bunglers doing our best to cope with a complex world with our limited abilities. Sometimes the onwards and upward blogs seem to hide more than they reveal, whilst yours is full off the self questioning and uncertainty which we all share and is the more valuable for it. If we all spent time being less perfect perhaps we would give each other the space and understanding with which we can truely discover a better version of ourselves. It’s a thought anyway

  9. #9 by Susan D on June 21, 2011 - 10:13 am

    Beautiful Christine….you have no idea how many times I have thought of you recently and how many times I have crushed my soul in trying to “create” the perfect connection with you…It is utterly amazing to me how the teacher many times does not recognize their talent….you give me permission to step into the darkness by sharing your step into the darkness….you give me permission to just reach out when you show up incredibly raw and vulnerable. I miss you…your smile…your tears…your laughter…your inquiry….your ray of light leading me out of the strom….and yet, when I struggle you are right there with me as I find my way through the darkness….I love you my friend ❤

  10. #10 by Kelly on June 21, 2011 - 10:44 am

    Perfection is definitely overrated. I also think that the simple things in life are what really matter.
    Or should I say seeing, feeling, or realizing the simple things is the most important. We have a tendency to get consumed by the “people world” and forget about the basics.
    We should be concerned if we don’t feel that struggle… It’s a wild world that we live in.

    Thanks for posting and for all your beautiful pictures!!!

  11. #11 by connie king on June 21, 2011 - 2:20 pm

    Christine, think there is something in the stars about stopping and just observing right now.
    seems to be a time to evaluate what is really important
    …my apt is in shambles as things are cleaned and cleared out…
    pieces of a past life falling away
    things thought important enough to be put in a box…long ago and not seen since!
    as always you cut to the core
    I miss you and appreciate this contact with you that from afar touches just the right space.
    Much love and support in your process
    connie

  12. #12 by beth on June 21, 2011 - 2:32 pm

    i’m so glad you’re back. i hope you know you were missed. and if you want to know something else, this post was meaty… and honest, too…..i love honesty !
    you are who you are and that’ something to be proud of. and for those of us who can laugh at ourselves with our little neurotic tendencies…..well, that’s a great gift to have. my mom even told me so.
    so jump back in …..don’t use capital letters {i don’t either} and i let sentences run together. we love it like that and we love you for being here and being yourself……xo

  13. #13 by Kitty Danke Rothwell on June 22, 2011 - 8:23 pm

    Glad you are back, Christine…and look forward to your return to Michigan. We are always hardest on ourselves; I can hear the music coming up – I love you just the way you are.

  14. #14 by ZORRO on June 23, 2011 - 1:16 pm

    Great to read you… You are awesome querida!

  15. #15 by Marcie on June 24, 2011 - 8:01 am

    Most important is to just be you..to relax..to enjoy..to let who you are shine thru!! And – welcome back to the wonderful world of blogging!!!

  16. #16 by Juana on June 26, 2011 - 1:04 am

    Beautiful post, and so full of sincerity. The photos are out of this world, loved them too!!

  17. #17 by Jennifer Richardson on June 26, 2011 - 12:24 pm

    loving on this and you
    ….cheering on your raw beautiful honesty!
    well done, braveheart:)
    (and I share…oh so share…the ache of
    tech-difficulty)
    bright summertime grace to you
    and your journey,
    Jennifer

  18. #18 by Jess on June 27, 2011 - 8:58 pm

    Your photography is excellent and so inspiring. Glad we crossed virtual paths.

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